Common Questions from Surrogate Mother

What’s the difference between gestational surrogacy and traditional surrogacy?

In a gestational surrogacy, the surrogate is not genetically related to the baby she carries. A fertility clinic creates embryos consisting of eggs and sperm from the intended parents and/or from donors and then transfers the embryos to a surrogate via IVF (in vitro fertilization). The intended parents under New Jersey law establish parental rights before the baby is born and take physical custody when the baby is born.  NJSC works exclusively on gestational surrogacy.
In a traditional surrogacy, the surrogate’s own eggs are fertilized via artificial insemination with the sperm of a donor or an intended father. The baby shares genetic material with the surrogate mother as well as with an intended father or donor.

How will I being a surrogate impact my children and my partner?

Many surrogates report that their surrogacy is a wonderful, enriching experience for their whole family. It can create an opportunity to demonstrate generosity and thoughtfulness to their children, and to teach them that families are made in all sorts of ways. We always encourage women to speak openly with their children and partners before deciding to become a surrogate so that everyone is involved and knows what to expect.

Can I be a surrogate even if my spouse or partner doesn’t approve?

If you are married (domestic or civil union) or in a relationship, your partner must support your surrogacy. He or she will be required to undergo a background check and medical screenings, and to sign a surrogacy contract with you and the intended parents. If your partner has questions, visit our ‘Partner Perspective’ page. We’ve compiled the most commonly asked questions from husbands who have hesitations about surrogacy and the answers from three men whose wives have been surrogates.

Can I be a surrogate if I have undergone tubal ligation (had my tubes tied)?

Yes. Tubal ligation does not impact pregnancy and delivery through IVF.


How much compensation can I expect?

New Jersey law provides a standard of "reasonable expenses". 
Surrogate compensation is not a fixed fee in New Jersey as it is in other states. A New Jersey surrogates level of compensation is based on "reasonable expenses"  as the measure of compensation which the parties agree upon. Whether it is more or less than other States is not relevant to the decision of the parties. New Jersey allows to cover reasonable expenses “during the period of the pregnancy and during the period of postpartum recovery.” See compensation.

Additionally, surrogates who carry twins earn $5,000 extra, and experienced surrogates receive $5,000 more as well. Variable compensation can include additional compensation for undergoing a cesarean section or other invasive procedures; and reimbursement for lost wages, childcare, and housekeeping if you are placed on bed rest. If you do not have health or life insurance, the intended parents will provide it for you.

The intended parents will also pay for your medical and psychological screening, medical expenses at the fertility clinic, uninsured medical expenses during pregnancy, counseling, and attorney fees. If you have to travel more than 50 miles one way for medical appointments, the intended parents will also pay for your transportation and lodging. For more information, see compensation.

How often will my reasonable expenses be forthcoming?

Payment structures vary, but you will receive regular payments monthly throughout the pregnancy, with a balance paid after the baby is born and placed with the intended parents. NJSC will deliver your payments via a trust account set up by the intended parents.  You will also receive a $200 monthly allowance for miscellaneous expenses beginning when you sign a contract with the intended parents, and several additional payments for completing various parts of the screening process and IVF cycle.

What if I don’t have health insurance?

If you do not have health insurance or if your insurance does not cover surrogate pregnancy, the intended parents will pay for a new health insurance policy for you for the duration of the surrogacy.

Who will pay my medical bills and other expenses?

All of your surrogacy-related medical bills and other expenses will be paid for by the intended parents. 

Is surrogacy legal in  NEW JERSEY?

Yes, surrogacy is legal and state law provides that the contract between the surrogate and intended parent(s) is legally enforceable and that a surrogate can receive reasonable expenses. See compensation.

Do you work with intended parents outside of New Jersey? 

Yes, NJSC works with intended parents throughout the United States and abroad.  Most notably we work with parents from the New York City tri state area.  Intended parents who live out of state or abroad may still choose to travel to attend some of your medical appointments, and will be present for the birth. Most intended parents still wish to connect with you regularly by phone, Skype, or email even when they are not able to be physically present.

Do you work with surrogates outside of New Jersey ?

Yes.


Will I get to choose which intended parents I work with?

You will  know which intended parents will be a good fit for you. NJSC begins by identifying intended parents we believe will be a good match for you based on a number of factors, especially shared expectations and goals for the surrogacy process. We provide them with your profile and share some information about them with you, and then give you the opportunity to meet and get to know them in our office or by SKYPE. If you aren’t comfortable with the intended parents we have matched you with, you may meet additional ones until you find the right match.

What is the relationship like between a surrogate and the intended parents?

The nature of the relationship between you and the intended parents is up to you and them. However, NJSC encourages you to spend time with the intended parents beyond the introductory meetings in our office. We believe that a relationship between a surrogate and intended parents creates trust and serves as an important foundation for the surrogacy process.

Most intended parents want to experience as much of the pregnancy as you are comfortable with, and would love to be invited to your obstetrical appointments and ultrasounds, whether in person or via Skype or phone. They may also want to spend time with you socially and get to know you better during the pregnancy. All of the intended parents are present for the birth. Surrogates and intended parents sometimes develop an intense and lifelong bond, and almost all of them remain in contact in some fashion after the birth.

We encourage you to think about how involved you would like the intended parents to be during and after your pregnancy. Whatever kind of relationship you are looking for, NJSC is careful to match intended parents and surrogates who have similar goals and expectations.

How long does it take to find a match after my in-person interview?

Depending on your particular needs and expectations, finding the right intended parents for you might happen within a few weeks or might take a few months or more. We have new intended parents entering our program frequently, so for surrogates who are open to working with all kinds of families, the timeframe may often be shorter.

How long will it take from the time I meet the intended parents to the time I get pregnant?

It typically takes at least three months from the initial meeting to beginning of the IVF cycle. We first have to conduct additional screenings and draw up a contract, and you will undergo six weeks of medications. If the intended parents are using an egg donor it may take longer, as your cycle will have to be synchronized with the donor’s. Many surrogates give birth a year or so after they meet the intended parents for the first time.

Exactly what happens depends on the fertility clinic.  You will take medications and be monitored to ensure that your uterus responds well to the medications. Once your uterus looks ready for the actual transfer your cycle can be set up whenever it is convenience for everyone's schedule. every arrangement is unique but no matter the circumstances, NJSC is here to support and coordinate your travel arrangements. 

Will I have to take medications?

The IVF process involves taking a variety of medications, both orally and by daily injection, beginning about two months before the embryo transfer and continuing for about two months into the pregnancy. The physicians at the independent IVF clinic will assist you with any concerns or questions you have about these medications.

Can I contract a disease from the embryo transfer?

Intended parents are screened for any diseases that could be transmitted to you via the transfer or pregnancy.

Can I see my own doctor for prenatal care?

The intended parents will be working with an IVF clinic that will perform most of your medical screening and your IVF procedures, and will coordinate as needed with your personal doctor or medical clinic. The doctor or fertility clinic will oversee your medical care for the first eight to ten weeks of your pregnancy, during which time you may be able to see your own doctor for minor appointments such as blood draws and other monitoring. About two months into the pregnancy you will be released back to your OB for the rest of your pregnancy care and delivery.

Will I have to travel for my medical appointments and procedures?

For New Jersey  surrogates who live outside of the NYC tri state area, you will have to travel to the clinic chosen by the intended parents for most of your appointments and procedures during your initial screenings and the IVF cycles, except for blood draws and other monitoring. You will also be expected to travel to the clinic for some of your prenatal care during the first eight to ten weeks of your pregnancy. If you live more than 50 miles from the NYC tri city area, the intended parents will pay for your travel expenses, including lodging and meals. Most surrogates may make between five and ten trips to the NYC City tri-state area in total, including their interview and match meeting.
In some cases intended parents have already chosen to work with a surrogate who lives in another state. In those cases the surrogate may work with an intended family whose medical clinic is nearby, or she may be asked to travel to an out-of-state fertility clinic if she is comfortable doing so. In those cases, the surrogate would likely make two trips to the family’s clinic, including a trip of several days for the embryo transfer. The intended parents will pay for all of your travel expenses, including airfare, lodging, and food, and they will pay travel costs for a companion to accompany you for the embryo transfer trip. You will also work with a local clinic that will monitor you for the fertility clinic to reduce the number of times you need to travel.
Eight to ten weeks into your pregnancy, the IVF clinic or your local monitoring clinic will release you back to your own OB, who will oversee the rest of your prenatal care and your delivery.

May I deliver the baby at home or in a birthing center?

In most instances intended parents and/or the reproductive endocrinologists they work with are not comfortable with a surrogate delivering at home or in a birthing center. However, some surrogates work with midwives and doulas within the hospital setting, and some hospitals offer alternative birthing options such as water birth. You are also welcome to seek out an OB who is sympathetic to the type of hospital birth experience you hope to have.

What if I don’t get pregnant the first time?

The clinics we recommend work with have extremely high success rates, and many surrogates become pregnant during the first IVF cycle. However, occasionally an IVF cycle will not result in pregnancy. While you are never required to undergo an IVF procedure if you do not want to, most intended parents ask surrogates to commit to undergoing up to three rounds of IVF.
Throughout the attempts, the intended parents will pay your surrogacy-related medical bills and you will receive reasonable monthly expenses as outlined by contract.  However "reasonable expenses" will be limited until confirmation of pregnancy by ultrasound.

What happens if I have to go on bed rest or have unexpected medical complications?

If you have to go on bed rest during your pregnancy, the intended parents will compensate you for lost wages, housekeeping expenses, and childcare above your usual amount, up to an agreed upon limit. They also pay any uncovered expenses for pregnancy-related medical complications.

Who will be responsible for the baby if the intended parents divorce, or if they die while I am pregnant?

We recommend to intended families that they establish wills and choose a legal guardian for the baby in the event that something happens to them during the pregnancy. If the intended parents divorce, they will go through the usual custody proceedings to determine who will receive custody of the child.

Who will take care of my family if something happens to me because of the pregnancy?

If you do not have life insurance, the intended parents will provide you with a policy for the duration of the pregnancy to protect your family in the unlikely event that something happens to you.

After the birth, will I have a hard time giving the baby to the intended parents?

Most surrogates do not experience the same level of bonding with the baby as they did with their own children. They are aware throughout the pregnancy that the baby is not theirs, genetically or practically. While they may experience mixed feelings after the birth, they are mainly excited to give such a tremendous gift to another family.
If you do want to talk to someone about your experience, your surrogacy contract will likely allow you to receive counseling, paid for by the intended parents, during your pregnancy and for up to a year after the birth.

Will I breastfeed the baby? What will I do with my excess breast milk?

Most surrogates and intended parents prefer that the surrogate not breastfeed the baby, but many families would be grateful if you chose to pump breastmilk for a few weeks and gave it to the intended parents. Some surrogates even donate their excess breast milk to a family in need. You do not have to pump if you prefer not to.